


SUPERNATURAL (ON CRACK!)

by ResurgentBard



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/F, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-08
Updated: 2017-07-07
Packaged: 2018-11-10 17:53:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11131851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ResurgentBard/pseuds/ResurgentBard
Summary: This is the story of Supernatural where all the events go as they do in the series, but for completely different reasons.





	1. Pilot?

In the beginning, Sam Winchester was laying in his bedroom, back to back, with Jessica. The first time Dean had heard his brother had settled with a girl, he didn't believe it. Why would Sammy go with a woman anyways? He was obviously gay. It was the truth! Dean knew that he had to be living a series of vicious lies. He just knew.

It was no surprise that Sam was always on his big brothers mind. Why wouldn't he be? He was more than just a brother he cared about, in fact, everything about Sam was just likable. He was smart, tall, toned, and, oh my goodness, the list could go on forever! Dean would surely lose his focus if he thought any more about his brother. There was no time for that. He had to keep his focus on more important things, like breaking into his house. The entry was a little too easy and after wandering through the first floor, he began to shake his head in disappointment.

"God, Sam. Did You really lose your touch after just a few years?" Dean muttered to himself. If Sam were on guard, he'd of been on top of Dean in a matter of seconds. "Damn, why can't I ever get anything I want?" He sighed. 

Dean was nearly on his way up the steps before he caught a glimpse inside Sam's bedroom. He was comfortably laying next to Jessica and, in spite of the idea of a hunters curse, Dean suddenly realized that Sammy looked happy. He might have even believed that it was where he belonged, but he was obviously wrong.

"Oh Sammy, this is all wrong." Dean thought. "Why Sammy, why can't you see... That you belong with me?" 

"Huh? Whose there?" Sam exclaimed out of sleep.

Sam shot up frozen for a second and brushed his fingers through his chestnut brown hair before turning to the doorway. Sam was smart enough to know that he could never be free from his experiences as a hunter... But god dammit if he wasn't trying! It was only a matter of seconds before he was in the hallway making his way towards the end unaware that Dean was holding his breath at the corner. The eldest Winchester might of had the element of surprise, but a simple drop of sweat plopping on the floor had given him away.

"Raaaagh!" Sam roared just before pouncing on top of his brother.

"Wait, Sam! It's me!"

"Yeah, well see about that!" Sam grunted.

"You know it's me. Now be honest, how badly did you miss me Sammy?" Dean smirked.

"I think the better question here is why did you break in my house?"

"It's Dad. He needs us." Dean said with a sideways glance.

"No. I don't buy it." 

"Why not? You don't think this is something I'd do?" Dean asked.

"Oh, I know this is something my brother would do, but my brother still could of called."

"I did. I called you many times! I'm like a school girl with a mad crush over here!" Dean grunted. 

"Yeah? Well, you still could have not been a jerk about it!"

"You never answer my texts, you bitch!"

"That's it!" Sam aid raising his fist.

"Sammy, I swear, it's me!"

"I still don't buy it! I don't believe you're really Dean." Sam said flipping his hair to the side in a way that made Dean aroused.

He could hardly stand it. He was already imagining the chiseled abs beneath his shirt and the girth of his cock beneath his pajama pants. He wanted it so badly that he was already subduing himself for Sam by bringing both his arms above his head. He knew his brother better than anyone. He knew that this was what Sammy liked in a man.

"What about now?" Sam said bringing his face within kissing distance of his brother. He took hold of deans wrists, with one hand, pressing them against the floor.

His breath cool against Deans lips. Piercing eyes interrogating his soul as his hand probed the rest. Dean was in heaven and he didn't want it to stop. He lifted his head up longing to kiss his brother, but Sam teased him and lifted his head just enough so he could still feel his breath, but never lock lips.

"Still think you're Dean?" He asked.

"Y-Yes sir." Dean stuttered before his cheeks began to blush.

"You'll have to prove it!" Sam hissed before using his free hand to unbuckle Dean's belt and feel against his chest. 

"On second thought, I'm an imposer!" Dean moaned. "I'm an impostor who needs to be punished!"

"Holy shit, you ARE Dean!" Sam gasped. "Why did you break in my house?"

"I already told you, Dad needs you."

"Whatever it is, you're perfectly capable without me!

"I'm really not! The truth is... I need you."

"Oh yeah?" Sam said with a weak grin.

"I do. I need you, Sammy."

"D-Dean... I-I'm with a girl now." Sam hissed. "What were doing now can't happen frequently."

"Come on, we all know it's a lie, man! You're gay!"

"No, I'm not!"

"Sammy... I know what you like." Dean said twitching his erect cock.

"Look, this is my chance to live a normal hetero-normative life."

"No!" Dean exclaimed reaching his head up enough to press his lips into Sam's.

"I can't!" Sam sighed turning away. "Were brother's Dean, it's too weird."

"Baby, this is a fan fiction!" Dean said winking at the reader. "In this story were adopted! It's totally different, man."

"That isn't really much better..." Sam groaned.

"Of course it is!" Dean said longingly. "Don't ruin the moment, man."

"Be serious for once! If we aren't biological brothers, then which one of us has to live with the disgrace of being the adopted one?"

"Oh, pfft, that's a no brainier!" Dean huffed.

"Is it?"

"Yeah, it's gotta be you, Sammy." Dean smirked.

"I firmly think YOU should be the adopted child, Dean." Sam said playfully gripping Deans ball sack.

"Cuh mon, not cool! Dad already favors you! Can't I have at least this?" Dean moaned.

"If you don't agree, I'll grope you harder."

"God dammit, Sam!"

"Sorry, I'm the top."

"Tsk, can you at least come help with finding Dad in exchange?"

"I'll think about it." Sam said jacking Dean off slowly.

"W-Wait! I don't wanna cum just yet!"

"Still thinking." Sam said jerking him off at the same rhythm.

"Oh Sam... S-stop..."

"Still thinking, Dean."

"Oh my god! Ugggh!!" Dean moaned in release.

Sam released his grip on Dean as a sticky surprise ran down his fingers. He wanted to go out in the world and show all the freaks just how much testosterone he really had. We all wanted him to show us. It was the only thing normal to the most masculine Winchester, so much so, that I am just going to say it is a part of the natural order. Nobody has more testosterone than Sammy. No one. 

"Just this once. I will help you." Sam said walking towards the kitchen. "But you have to leave me alone after. I am straight now and I can't keep falling into this."

"Have it your way." Dean sighed.

Sam had returned from the kitchen with a towel for Dean to clean up the mess with. He was filled in on all the details that fans like us would already know about. The whole " our father is out to chase down the demon that killed our parents" spiel. Followed by a scream in the distance that would change Sams life forever.

"Jessica!!?" Sam gasped frantically running up the stairs only to see the yellow eyed demon with a sinister smile. 

"N-No! Please!" Sam yelled. "I-I was so close to being normal! I could have been cured!"

"I can't have that." Said yellow eyes. "I need you to be a powerful cock loving hunter. It is your destiny."

"Nooooo!!" Sam screamed as Jessica burst into flames. 

"Hahahaha." Laughed yellow eyes before singing "this girl is on fire" by Alicia Keys . 

"God dammit!" Dean said finally realizing what happened. "He could of picked a billion better songs than that one!"

"Dean... She's gone."

"Oh, thats sad too... But anyways, that song choice is a crime to good old fashioned rock and roll!"

"I'm too sad for this, Dean..."

"Me too, Sam, I swear to god, I am gonna kill that son of a bitch!"


	2. Wendigo-ing Gets Tough

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam and Dean disguise themselves as rangers in order to engage in spontaneous gay sex and rescue some chicks brother.

"Here lies my hopes and dreams of being heterosexual." Sam muttered staring at Jessica's tombstone. "Oh Jessica, I was thinki'n bout you, thinki'n bout me, thinki'n bout us, and what we gonna be..."

Sam was muttering these truth bombs at a cemetery in Palo Alto, California. He was standing sadly with handful of store bought flowers. If I were there I would be savoring the sadness in his eyes. There was no denying that he was shouldering the guilt from all the secrets he had kept from her. He was positive that it was what led her to die. Sam subconsciously knew that it was merely fate in action. Sam would soon realize this truth as he recalled the noble words of Nelly, Sam Tsui, and Christina Grimmie -"It was only just a dream." 

That was when he found himself in the passenger seat of Dean's impala. He knew what he was in for. He knew that he was going back to that hunter's life of cheap motels, gambling, and spontaneous fits of drunken gay sex. He could never escape it. And as miserable as it was for Sam, us fans loved every minute of it.

"You wanna drive the impala for awhile?" Dean sighed.

"Dean, in you whole life, you have never once asked me that."

"Okay, wanna ride me for awhile?"

"I get it. You're worried."

"And horny..." Dean corrected.

"Yes, that too."

"Mm-hm."

"Hey! I am perfectly okay that my hetero normative life is down the drain. I love penis. I always have."

"I know, Sammy."

"I am a top!"

"I know, Sammy."

"I am the toppiest top who ever lived!

"Yes sir ree!"

In fact, I am ALL testosterone! I am fucking testosterone incarnate!"

"Mm."

"You think anyone out there has more testosterone than me?"

"I-I don't know?"

"Well you should, because no has more testosterone than me. No one."

"You wanna pull over?" Dean asked.

He was definitely in the mood for a little action with his brother (who is definitely adopted,) but instead, he ended up telling Sam everything that happened while he was asleep crying over his inability to be hetero normative. They were just outside Grand Junction looking for another creature because their Dad said so in his book.

"So this is Black water Ridge?" Dean asked parking in front of a Cabin.

"Yup, it's like the middle of nowhere."

"Well if Dad says it's important, then it must be."

The two follow a lead that takes them to a ranger who tells them the missing boy in this episode isn't really missing because he signed a permit and, of course, the Winchesters definitely don't buy into it. They track down his sister's house and start questioning her. This girl is named, Haley and she shows them a video of her missing brother which suddenly had made everything become clear. They both knew exactly what they were dealing with by the time they got back to Dean's impala.

"Wendigo!" Sam said.

"Mandingo!" Dean said.

"What? Are you serious? You're obviously being ridiculous!" They said at the same time.

"Use your head, Dean, it lives in the uncharted forest in the United States. This just screams Wendigo!"

"No Sam, look at what Dad put in his notebook."

Sam leaned over to see a doodle on the back of the page chock full of details their father had left behind. It was a picture of a muscular jock with a ginormous cock hittin a bearded twink from the back (if ya know what I mean.) It was a piece so well drawn that it was, literally, in comic book format. This could not have been the first attempt at writing this sex scene. Their old man must have tried a lot of times before getting the comic perfect. Both the Winchesters knew that their father deeply wanted them to understand what the BBC was before their journey was to go any further.

"Big... Black... Cock?" Sam read with a mild squint.

"It's amazing." Dean said.

Sam was getting a little jealous seeing how his brothers eyes sparkled in longing for the BBC. Dean was getting erect and flipped the page of the journal only to see there were more chapters of the comic to be read. Sam turned away as soon as Dean put one hand to his crotch. The idea of Dean being so on edge aggravated Sammy to no end.

"We should go find Haley." Sam said.

"Oh, God. We gotta find this Mandingo. I bet he's chock full of... Testosterone."

"Give me that!" Sam growled snatching the book from his brothers hands.

"Hey! I was enjoying tha-"

"You think some Mandingo has testosterone?" Sam interrupted. "I'll show you testosterone!"

"W-Wait Sammy! Don't do this right now..."

It was too late. Dean was pressed against his car by his younger brother who was just too much to handle. Chest to chest, Sam eased one hand under his brothers shirt and ran his palm into one of Deans rock solid pecs. Sam faked as if he was going to press his lips against his neck, but they ran against his ear instead.

"W-We cant do this behind my car, were still out in the open!" Dean said in a panicked moan.

"Heh."

That was Sam's only response to his brothers cries before dean heard the sound of his pants fall against the floor and felt his legs lift off the ground. Dean was having mixed feelings, but he wanted it bad. It had been so long since they were together and he wanted to get every inch of Sam for as long as he had him. It was only fifteen minutes later before Sam had finally finished having his was with Dean.

"I-I don't even know how you managed to get protection during that amount of time, but I don't really think I care." Dean said pulling up his blue jeans. "One thing I do know is that I've gotta see that Mandingo!"

"Still?" Sammy groaned. "Why are you so eager? Is it about the testosterone?"

"Of course not, It's about saving that boy." Dean snapped.

The Winchesters had finished their dirty deeds fast enough for Haley to overhear them without knowing what they actually just did. Alongside Haley was her younger brother and a ranger whose name I don't care enough to mention because he dies.

"I'm going to find my brother." Haley said. "No matter the costs!"

"That's beautiful." Dean said with a smile.

"Does something smell to you?" Haley said as they all began walking into the forest. "It might be a clue."

"What's it smell like?" Asked the ranger.

"Semen." Haley replied. "As if someone got trapped in some kind of enraged fit of spontaneous gay sex."

"Shut the fuck up." muttered Sam.

"Okay. Okay. Everyone calm down." Said the ranger. "I'm the expert here." 

"Oh really?" Dean smirked. "You?"

"I can see your credentials, but where is your testosterone?" Sam snapped.

"Don't be sassi'n me, kid. If I go in depth, you best believe I'ma school you because I know my stuff yo. I be on my shit, son. Like, you don't even know that, back in the day, I killed a massive deer and the lil shit is still hanging on my wall to this day."

"Yeah, whatever pal." Dean shrugged. "You can call me when Bambi starts hunting you back."

"Watch your tongue, boy." The ranger snapped. "You don't know shit about Bambi. You have no experience hunting Bambi, so you have no fucking idea what Bambi is thinking."

"He's likely wondering where the fuck his mom is." Dean muttered.

"Help! Help!" screamed the Wendigo suddenly.

Of course, only Sam and Dean knew that it was the actual Wendigo. Everyone else believed that it was Haley's missing brother. The ranger was the most fooled and ran ahead without giving it a second thought. Everyone else ran in that direction a little after, but they all stopped at the destroyed camp site as the ranger ran to his death. There were no bodies or parts visible, but there was a lot of blood, trash, bugs, and anything else you think that could make Haley lose hope.

"AAAH! MY ASS! MY ASS! IT HURTS! STOP! PLEASE!" Screamed the ranger. "I DIDN'T MEAN TO ENSLAVE YOUR PEOPLE! ARRRGHHGHH!"

Everyone ran over to see a trail of blood and a missing ranger. Sam was the most pissed due to his high testosterone levels and Haley's brother was being an excellent extra as Dean moved towards the scene of the crime. He swiped up some of the blood with two fingers, rubbed the goo into his thumb, and sniffed it.

"Mandingo." Dean said with a squint in his eye.

"Shut the fuck up, Dean, we don't have time for this!"

"Maybe we do." Haley said. "Who are you people? And don't lie to me, who are you really?"

"Were rangers and were here to he-"

"Don't give me that crap!" Haley roared. "You have no provisions, you're carrying duffel bags, and the caddy one wreaks of semen. You guys cant be rangers!"

"Sam, we can't lie to her." Dean said. "We have to tell her what's going on."

"My brother's gone for good isn't he?" Haley sighed. "Just tell me the truth. At this point, i'll believe anything."

Her eyes were beginning to well up while her stage prop brother stood in the background having no significance to the plot whatsoever. Sam was prepared to tell her the truth. Logically, her brother was already dead. That should of been the case, but that would also have been a really shitty way to kick off the second episode. So, instead Dean gave her an answer that involved a little more faith.

"Your brother was hunted by a Mandingo." Dean said.

"W-What?"

"A Mandingo."

"T-The fuck?"

"It's a buff black man with an extra large cock that can hit it from the back all night long and keep a woke ass brotha coming back for more."

"Ignore him." Sam said. "It's a Wendigo and we need to hurry and stop it before it huts anyone else."

"But my brother!" Haley exclaimed.

"If he's alive. He's being saved off for later snacking." Sam sneered. "So lets hurry."

"B-But how do we kill a Wend-"

"Mandingo." Dean interrupted. "My brother's a little rusty."

"Okay, whatever, how do we kill a Mandingo?" Haley sighed.

"You burn him to death." The brothers said at the same time. "We have torches. We do this all the time."

It was only a matter of time before they all rushed to the cave where the Wendigo was presumed to live. That was when Sam and Dean split for Dramatic effect. Due to his smarts and unparalleled manliness, Sam reached the lost brother first. He noticed that he was hanging and exhausted. The first thing Sam noticed was that the boy was out of breath and his pants were missing. The pieces just didn't fit. Why was this boys little white ass beaten red? His heart rate was also unusually high and the other boy next to him was eaten alive, so why was he different? Why was this boy coughing up semen and the other dead? Any further thought would of made Sam pissed. He knew exactly why Dean had split up and he was not having it. No one has more testosterone than Sammy. No one.

"Dean!" Sam roared. "Dean! Get your ass over here!"

"Sam!?" Dean yelled. "Sam!?"

The two had the Wendigo sandwiched after a lot of wandering and that was when the both the brothers realized that they were actually dealing with a Wendigo... Who happened to have a 14 inch penis. It roared and whipped it's cock at Sam who dodged it with ease. It turned to Dean and instead of looking menacing, it gave him wink.

"It doesn't kill bottoms." Dean said before turning a corner.

"W-What?"

"I know it shocked me too. I punched him 4 times and he just pinned me to the wall and poked at me with his erection."

"You didn't let him did you?"

"Of course not!" Dean grunted.

"That's good."

"You still horny, bro?"

"Yes, but right now we need to stop him."

"Good point. Dad's orders are absolute."

"You're a jerk for bringing Dad into this!" Sam hissed getting his torch ready.

"Toss it to me!" Dean hollered. "He won't hurt bottoms remember?"

"That doesn't even make sense!"

"Yeah it does! Just think about it. How else can he stay warm through the winters?"

"H-Huh?"

"It's man pussy, Sam. He needs that tight man pussy!"

"Dean, you have serious problems." Sam sighed.

"Look whose talking! You're the angry one who hides behind his testosterone."

"Whatever! We can be jerks another time! Just catch this torch and blow him the fuck up!" Sam roared.

"Stop bossing me around, you bitch!"

That was when Dean made a mad dash behind the Wendigo before catching the torch that Sam had tossed him. The creature was so amazed by their coordination that his rock solid cock nutted all over Dean's shirt just before he died. The flames lit up the whole area enough for Haley to know that she and her brothers were finally safe.

"Omg, I am forever grateful." Haley said. "I'm going to go to the car and stay there for a few hours to get ready to go and leave both my brothers here so you can talk."

"How convenient." Dean said with a smirk while nudging Sam. "Maybe we can tone down some of that testosterone before we hit the road."

"T-Thanks for rescuing me." Said the missing Brother. "I never took so much dick in my life."

"How was it?" Dean asked. "Do you really feel that none of it was enjoyable?"

"W-Well, it never actually hurt, I just wish he used protection."

"You over eighteen?" Asked Dean.

"Well, I am, but not my brother over there, why?"

"No reason." the Winchesters replied quickly. "I think the young one should go back to the car with his sister for a few hours."

"W-What! I wanna hang with yo-"

"GET THE FUCK OUT!" The brothers roared as the child ran away to his sisters.

"Oh, I see what you're doing." smiled Haley's remaining brother.

"Here's a condom, Sammy." Dean said.

Haley's brother walked over to Sammy who mercilessly clutched the boys red ass before lifting him up. Dean unbuckled his belt and Sam got to work on the guy. The Wendigo loosened him up so nicely that Sam was able to glide in and out with no issues. Dean marveled at his brothers technique and stamina. It was approaching the ten minute mark and the guy bouncing on Sam had already spent all his stuff on Sam's chest twice.

"Ah! The wendigo never had this much stamina!" The guy moaned.

"Of course he wouldn't." Sam replied. "I'm the manliest toppiest top in all of Supernatural."

"I can't believ-"

"Believe it." Sam interrupted.

"Mercy!" the guy moaned.

"Say my name!"

"Sam!" He moaned.

"Sam who?"

"Sam... W-W-"

"Sam who!?"

"Sam Winchester!" He cried.

"Say it like you mean it!" Sam roared.

"SAM WINCHESTER! SAM FUCKING WINCHESTER!" He screamed.

Sam finally pulled out and sat hit next to Dean. The two sat on the floor doggy style waiting for Sam to give them the ultimate reward. Like rabid creatures fighting over food, the two butted heads with open mouths under Sam's stiffy. They both stayed there until Sam had finally squirted all over them both.

"That was... Intense." The guy said.

"No." Dean replied. "It was... Supernatural."


End file.
